Here is a funny one!
70 year-old Mrs. Potts went to the doctor for her annual check up. He told her she needed more activity and recommended sex three times a week. She said to the doctor, "Please, tell my husband." The doctor went out to the waiting room and told Mr Potts that his wife needed to have sex three times a week. The eighty-year-old husband replied, "Which days?" "How about Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?" "I can bring her over here on Monday and Wednesday," the man said, "but on Fridays she'll have to take the bus."
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Thank God for the Buyer of My House!
I am sorry, this is too good of a story to pass up. The funniest part is...IT IS TRUE!
Thank God for the Buyer of My House
By Monica
My name is Monica and I live in Los Angeles, Calif. I had planned on giving birth to my second child at home with a midwife. My first child was born in the hospital and I did not like the experience at all.
During my second pregnancy, I decided to move to a bigger house and put my home on the market in my 7th month of pregnancy. The home was on the market for six weeks and sold to a wonderful buyer who happened to be a single doctor moving to LA from New York.
The move-out date was set for six weeks after my due date and I was so excited to have it sold. I went to my midwife's two weeks before my due date and found out that I was 2 centimeters dilated and 80 percent effaced. I was excited but figured I would be late with this baby like my first. (With my first I was three days overdue.)
It just so happened that later that day, the buyer of my house asked to come by and measure some rooms. We talked a little and he asked me how I was feeling. I told him I had been at my midwife's and that I was 2 centimeters dilated but thought I would be late with this baby like the first. He told me that I looked very ready and he did not think I would go another two weeks. When leaving, he asked if he could come back the next day to have one more look at the home before heading back to his home state. I had no problem with that and looked forward to seeing him the next day.
I woke up on Saturday morning and noticed a dull ache in my back and was having some strong Braxton-Hicks contractions. I did not really pay any attention to it and went about my business as usual.
My older child (Ben) had spent the night at my sister's and I decided to take a walk to the market and get coffee. I noticed the dull backache on my walk and noticed the Braxton-Hicks but they were not that bad and I did not think much of them.
I got home at around 10 a.m. and decided to relax in the yard. Brian (the buyer of my home) was due to arrive around 11 a.m. and it gave me some time to relax. I puttered in the yard and, silly me, kept thinking to myself that I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions because I was not due for another two weeks.
My buyer arrived a few minutes early and I was glad to see him. He started to ask me questions and we walked around a little, talking about the house. He noticed that every few minutes I would stop to catch my breath and rub my stomach. Here I am, the one who has had a baby, and he politely asked me if I was having contractions. I laughed and said that I was having a few Braxton-Hicks and my body was getting ready.
We continued to chat and, little did I know, Brian had started timing these so-called Braxton-Hicks contractions. After about 20 minutes, he started to laugh, and said, "Monica, I think you might be in labor, and you are having contractions about every four minutes." I was stunned and a little mad and told him that if I were in true labor I would know it. These were not hurting enough for me to be in labor. (My last pregnancy I had an epidural – which made me sick and numb, and I did not feel anything.) So for me, labor should have been super painful.
He was so sweet and said, "Let's just time these and see what happens." And sure enough, they were coming every four to five minutes. After another half hour of this happening, I did start to notice they were building a little and I needed to breathe though them. He suggested I call my midwife, and I told him I would in a few minutes. I think this was around 12 p.m., and I told him to come out by the pool. I had lemonade and cookies I had bought at the market. He laughed and said, "OK, but if these get worse you are calling your midwife."
We went out by the pool and, sure enough, the contractions continued. Within 20 to 30 minutes I was having a harder time with them. It was right about then, as Brian was insisting I call, that all hell broke loose. As I stood to go get the phone to call my midwife, my water broke. First of all, I was so embarrassed I thought I would die! Second of all, within 20 seconds of my water breaking, I had the absolute worst contraction that took me to my knees, and all I could do was moan and I could not move. This contraction lasted for at least 90 seconds, and Brian was so sweet and looked at me when it was through and said, "You need to call her now."
He went to get the phone for me, but before he could even get back from the kitchen, I was having another one. He dialed the number for me, and I told my midwife my water had broken and I was in labor. She asked me if I was having contractions, and I just said, "Yes, get here now." She lives about 20 minutes from me and said she was on her way.
Brian suggested I get into the house and lie down, and he started to help me in. We got about five feet and – wham – another one. I just sank to my knees and he helped support me and told me to breathe. When the contraction was over we started in again and made it as far as the door when another one hit. These contractions were coming less than two minutes apart and I was in pain!
We made it in and I got to the couch and just wanted to sit for a second. I noticed I was shaking all over and Brian did too. He was even starting to get nervous and asked me how far away the midwife lived. I told him and he said she had better hurry. I, of course, thought I had hours before giving birth (my first labor was nine hours).
The next contraction hit while I was on the couch, and I started this deep moan that I could not help. All of a sudden had this overwhelming urge to bear down and push. (Yes, it's true what they say about this urge.) As soon as I started to push (I could not help it) Brian said, "We better get you into the bedroom." After the contraction, he got me up and we started into the bedroom but only made it halfway when another one hit. This time I just started yelling, "Baby, I feel the baby." Brian (who thank God is an ER doctor) told me to pant, and I tried my hardest to do that.
As soon as it was over, he literally carried me to the bed, and as soon as I was there, I reached down to pull my pants off, and the head of my baby was crowning. Brian grabbed towels from the bathroom, and with the next contraction, the baby started to come. Three pushes later, and my beautiful little girl was born into the hands of my home buyer. Thank God for him!
The midwife arrived just as he placed her on my stomach and helped with the rest of the birth. That was certainly not the day either of us expected, and he will have a funny story to tell all of his friends about his home purchase.
Thank God for the Buyer of My House
By Monica
My name is Monica and I live in Los Angeles, Calif. I had planned on giving birth to my second child at home with a midwife. My first child was born in the hospital and I did not like the experience at all.
During my second pregnancy, I decided to move to a bigger house and put my home on the market in my 7th month of pregnancy. The home was on the market for six weeks and sold to a wonderful buyer who happened to be a single doctor moving to LA from New York.
The move-out date was set for six weeks after my due date and I was so excited to have it sold. I went to my midwife's two weeks before my due date and found out that I was 2 centimeters dilated and 80 percent effaced. I was excited but figured I would be late with this baby like my first. (With my first I was three days overdue.)
It just so happened that later that day, the buyer of my house asked to come by and measure some rooms. We talked a little and he asked me how I was feeling. I told him I had been at my midwife's and that I was 2 centimeters dilated but thought I would be late with this baby like the first. He told me that I looked very ready and he did not think I would go another two weeks. When leaving, he asked if he could come back the next day to have one more look at the home before heading back to his home state. I had no problem with that and looked forward to seeing him the next day.
I woke up on Saturday morning and noticed a dull ache in my back and was having some strong Braxton-Hicks contractions. I did not really pay any attention to it and went about my business as usual.
My older child (Ben) had spent the night at my sister's and I decided to take a walk to the market and get coffee. I noticed the dull backache on my walk and noticed the Braxton-Hicks but they were not that bad and I did not think much of them.
I got home at around 10 a.m. and decided to relax in the yard. Brian (the buyer of my home) was due to arrive around 11 a.m. and it gave me some time to relax. I puttered in the yard and, silly me, kept thinking to myself that I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions because I was not due for another two weeks.
My buyer arrived a few minutes early and I was glad to see him. He started to ask me questions and we walked around a little, talking about the house. He noticed that every few minutes I would stop to catch my breath and rub my stomach. Here I am, the one who has had a baby, and he politely asked me if I was having contractions. I laughed and said that I was having a few Braxton-Hicks and my body was getting ready.
We continued to chat and, little did I know, Brian had started timing these so-called Braxton-Hicks contractions. After about 20 minutes, he started to laugh, and said, "Monica, I think you might be in labor, and you are having contractions about every four minutes." I was stunned and a little mad and told him that if I were in true labor I would know it. These were not hurting enough for me to be in labor. (My last pregnancy I had an epidural – which made me sick and numb, and I did not feel anything.) So for me, labor should have been super painful.
He was so sweet and said, "Let's just time these and see what happens." And sure enough, they were coming every four to five minutes. After another half hour of this happening, I did start to notice they were building a little and I needed to breathe though them. He suggested I call my midwife, and I told him I would in a few minutes. I think this was around 12 p.m., and I told him to come out by the pool. I had lemonade and cookies I had bought at the market. He laughed and said, "OK, but if these get worse you are calling your midwife."
We went out by the pool and, sure enough, the contractions continued. Within 20 to 30 minutes I was having a harder time with them. It was right about then, as Brian was insisting I call, that all hell broke loose. As I stood to go get the phone to call my midwife, my water broke. First of all, I was so embarrassed I thought I would die! Second of all, within 20 seconds of my water breaking, I had the absolute worst contraction that took me to my knees, and all I could do was moan and I could not move. This contraction lasted for at least 90 seconds, and Brian was so sweet and looked at me when it was through and said, "You need to call her now."
He went to get the phone for me, but before he could even get back from the kitchen, I was having another one. He dialed the number for me, and I told my midwife my water had broken and I was in labor. She asked me if I was having contractions, and I just said, "Yes, get here now." She lives about 20 minutes from me and said she was on her way.
Brian suggested I get into the house and lie down, and he started to help me in. We got about five feet and – wham – another one. I just sank to my knees and he helped support me and told me to breathe. When the contraction was over we started in again and made it as far as the door when another one hit. These contractions were coming less than two minutes apart and I was in pain!
We made it in and I got to the couch and just wanted to sit for a second. I noticed I was shaking all over and Brian did too. He was even starting to get nervous and asked me how far away the midwife lived. I told him and he said she had better hurry. I, of course, thought I had hours before giving birth (my first labor was nine hours).
The next contraction hit while I was on the couch, and I started this deep moan that I could not help. All of a sudden had this overwhelming urge to bear down and push. (Yes, it's true what they say about this urge.) As soon as I started to push (I could not help it) Brian said, "We better get you into the bedroom." After the contraction, he got me up and we started into the bedroom but only made it halfway when another one hit. This time I just started yelling, "Baby, I feel the baby." Brian (who thank God is an ER doctor) told me to pant, and I tried my hardest to do that.
As soon as it was over, he literally carried me to the bed, and as soon as I was there, I reached down to pull my pants off, and the head of my baby was crowning. Brian grabbed towels from the bathroom, and with the next contraction, the baby started to come. Three pushes later, and my beautiful little girl was born into the hands of my home buyer. Thank God for him!
The midwife arrived just as he placed her on my stomach and helped with the rest of the birth. That was certainly not the day either of us expected, and he will have a funny story to tell all of his friends about his home purchase.
A story from me...
This is one of the stories that I wrote, about one of my experiences. All names and dates have been changed to protect privacy. I have submitted this story to Chicken Soup for the Soul, and over 8 magazines. Enjoy!
July 18, 2006 is a date that will always be special to me. Sure, it was my dog’s first birthday. But it was also the day that Jennifer entered the world. And, I was there for the delivery. I didn’t know her mom, Kim. The reason that I was present was because of the kind and generous heart of an OB nurse that wanted me to be there to witness my first live birth.
Earlier in the year I had been to a conference for girls who were interested in careers in math and science. I attended, and spoke to a lady from the local hospital. To make a long story short, we made some connections with her and were eventually were given the name of a Labor & Delivery nurse named Nancy.
I have wanted to be a doctor since I was 2, and an OB/GYN since I was 9. Clearly, healthcare has always been something very close to my heart. Each June, I attend a camp for people interested in working in the medical field. We dissect a pig, and listen to lectures from doctors and nurses. But by July, I ache to go back for more. Medicine is not something I like; it’s something I love. So when Nurse Nancy offered to have me shadow her for a few hours, I was all for it. Little did I know, this day would not just be an ordinary day; it would be the beginning of a new life.
My mom and I arrived at the hospital at around 3:00pm. We went up to Labor & Delivery, where we met Nancy. She surprised me by telling me that today, I would be watching a new human being enter the world. I was ectastic. After all, this is what I had hoped and dreamed of since I was nine. I went into the mom-to-be’s room, just after they had given her an epidural. I met her, and was so excited that finally, I was standing in Labor & Delivery, exactly where I wanted to be. Time passed quickly, and at 4:51pm, Jennifer was born, with me standing right in front of the bed. I was in awe. This was unlike anything I had seen before. Nurse Nancy took Jennifer over to the warmer, where she cleaned her up and checked to make sure she was healthy. She listened to her heartbeat with a stethoscope, and then let me listen. She put her footprints on my arm.
Today, exactly six months have passed since I witnessed this extraordinary event. I’m sure that as I grow older and achieve my dreams, human birth will continue to astonish me everytime it happens. I know that none of this would have happened, if it hadn’t been for the truly, kind and gentle heart of a nurse.
July 18, 2006 is a date that will always be special to me. Sure, it was my dog’s first birthday. But it was also the day that Jennifer entered the world. And, I was there for the delivery. I didn’t know her mom, Kim. The reason that I was present was because of the kind and generous heart of an OB nurse that wanted me to be there to witness my first live birth.
Earlier in the year I had been to a conference for girls who were interested in careers in math and science. I attended, and spoke to a lady from the local hospital. To make a long story short, we made some connections with her and were eventually were given the name of a Labor & Delivery nurse named Nancy.
I have wanted to be a doctor since I was 2, and an OB/GYN since I was 9. Clearly, healthcare has always been something very close to my heart. Each June, I attend a camp for people interested in working in the medical field. We dissect a pig, and listen to lectures from doctors and nurses. But by July, I ache to go back for more. Medicine is not something I like; it’s something I love. So when Nurse Nancy offered to have me shadow her for a few hours, I was all for it. Little did I know, this day would not just be an ordinary day; it would be the beginning of a new life.
My mom and I arrived at the hospital at around 3:00pm. We went up to Labor & Delivery, where we met Nancy. She surprised me by telling me that today, I would be watching a new human being enter the world. I was ectastic. After all, this is what I had hoped and dreamed of since I was nine. I went into the mom-to-be’s room, just after they had given her an epidural. I met her, and was so excited that finally, I was standing in Labor & Delivery, exactly where I wanted to be. Time passed quickly, and at 4:51pm, Jennifer was born, with me standing right in front of the bed. I was in awe. This was unlike anything I had seen before. Nurse Nancy took Jennifer over to the warmer, where she cleaned her up and checked to make sure she was healthy. She listened to her heartbeat with a stethoscope, and then let me listen. She put her footprints on my arm.
Today, exactly six months have passed since I witnessed this extraordinary event. I’m sure that as I grow older and achieve my dreams, human birth will continue to astonish me everytime it happens. I know that none of this would have happened, if it hadn’t been for the truly, kind and gentle heart of a nurse.
Friday, May 25, 2007
The ER Doctor
Well, I know that this blog has no visitors yet, but I wanted to start off with a funny story. Not all stories will be funny. Some will be sad, heart warming or serious. So, without further ado, give it up for...The ER Doctor!
Mr. Jones rushed into the local emergency room shouting, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" The ER physician grabbed his bag, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly he noticed that there were several cabs, and he'd gotten in the wrong one.
Enjoy!
Mr. Jones rushed into the local emergency room shouting, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" The ER physician grabbed his bag, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly he noticed that there were several cabs, and he'd gotten in the wrong one.
Enjoy!
Welcome!
Hello, and welcome to Code Blue: A Collection of Medical Stories. While this title seems as though it will be all about other doctors medical experiences, it will not. It also features some stories written by me, articles online or stories from other blogs. Please leave a comment if you have visited, so I know people are interested in this blog. I will be updating at least once a week, so please check back every so often. Thanks for visiting!
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